Internal Family Systems therapy (IFS) is an evidenced based therapy founded by Dick Schwartz in the 1980’s. Formed through experience with systems theory and family therapy, Dr. Schwartz began to discover that his clients described having many sides, or parts, that had distinct behaviors, feelings, motivations and thoughts. His clients described these parts creating inner conflict or distress in their lives. I’m sure you’ve said to yourself at one time or another that part of you is excited about something but another part of you is nervous, angry, or avoidant about something. Then, these different parts feel like they’re in conflict. We all have a system of thoughts, feelings, and beliefs that interact inside of ourselves much like members of a family interact with each other, hence the name Internal Family Systems. In IFS therapy we explore and build a relationship between your parts and your Self with the goal of feeling more balance and harmony inside of our body and mind.
What is IFS?
IFS is a non-pathologizing psychotherapy that can help people heal many types of traumas, depression, anxiety, and other issues in our life that get in the way of feeling like our whole, true Self. The way that IFS achieves this is to externalize our inner parts as specific entities that have their own thoughts, feelings, beliefs and overall personalities. Talking about ourselves and the things we experience can be intimidating and often confusing. When we talk about other people, we often have an easier time understanding motives and reasons for behaviors more objectively. We are usually more able to give compassion and empathy to someone else’s experience than to our own. This is how seeing our inner parts as their own unique elements of a larger ecosystem that makes up our Self can create objectivity and empathy.
IFS is also meant to be a life practice. We can learn this tool and then go out into our lives and continue to use it for ourselves. This is empowering and validates a person’s ability to self-heal and be their own Self Leader. In IFS you’re not meant to be in therapy for long periods of time and to have to rely on someone else facilitating the healing process. This approach believes that a person has the internal capacity to heal themselves through their own innate qualities and internal leadership. We refer to these qualities as the 8 C’s of Self Leadership.
Capital ‘S’ self.
Self-Leadership is the way this model describes that innate energy or “Self-energy” that is present in us naturally. Self-energy feels much different than parts’ energy. It doesn’t have an agenda. The primary instinct that Self-energy embodies is the desire for love or connection to our own life and to those around us.
This Self-energy is described in IFS as having eight consistent and ever-present qualities called the 8 C’s. These qualities are present in degrees and this model uses them as gauge to determine how much Self-energy is available at any given time, or how much Self-energy is taking the lead. These qualities are courage, compassion, clarity, connectedness, curiosity, calm, creativity, and confidence. These qualities of self cannot be damaged, know how to heal, correct the injustices we experience with an open heart, and become the secure attachment figure for our parts and the people around us.
Many people come to therapy, in general, seeking their authentic self or wanting to live more authentic lives. That authenticity is really the Self-energy that’s already inside of us from birth. It can get obscured by the difficulties or traumas that we experience which create the protective parts that seem to be in the driver’s seat of our life. We can, by using this approach, more clearly see the parts of us that are different from our Self and cultivate a relationship with those parts so they trust Self and can relax into less extreme roles in our inner ecosystem. The space that is created when the parts relax and allow the Self to guide us through life's challenges can provide a sense of freedom and lightness, which contrasts with the weighty burden of difficult experiences and beliefs.
Parts
When we experience traumas or difficulties in our life that are so impactful and hurtful, we create parts of us to protect us from those things happening again. Each part has a positive intent and wants to keep us safe and is motivated by protective instincts. Sometimes these parts go to the extreme. That is usually the time people start to seek out therapy. There are three roles of parts in Internal Family Systems: Exiles, Managers, and Firefighters.
Exiles
Exiles are parts that hold painful memories, emotions, or sensations that stem from traumatic or distressing experiences. Often these happen in childhood. These parts are shut away for their own protection and to keep us (our whole internal ecosystem) from being flooded with feelings of hurt, fear, or shame. These parts have been rejected, devalued, marginalized, or traumatized and hold deep scars from these events. Our managers and firefighters have walled them off to protect them which makes them feel more abandoned and they can become desperate to be heard, seen, and cared for. This makes us feel over exposed, vulnerable. Their motto is, “Don’t forget about me!”.
Managers
Managers are proactive parts that attempt to prevent the painful experiences and emotions held by the exiles from surfacing. They do this by controlling and organizing our thoughts, behaviors, and interactions to maintain an appearance of stability and functionality. They don’t like risk and bear the burden of responsibility to protect against allowing our exiled parts to experience vulnerability, pain or overall system instability. Their motto is, “Never again!”.
Firefighters
Firefighters are reactive parts that spring into action when pain from our environment externally, or internal exiles, break through the defenses set up by our manager parts. Their role is to distract or numb us from the intense pain of the exiles by engaging in impulsive or compulsive behaviors, such as substance use, overeating, or self-harm. These parts work together, often in extreme ways, to protect the individual from re-experiencing trauma and to maintain a sense of safety and control. Essentially dousing the fire of emotional pain, insecurity, vulnerability and danger. Their motto is, “When all else fails!”.
So now what?
The goal of IFS therapy is to create harmony within ourselves and connect peacefully with the external world. Extreme thoughts, feelings, or behaviors disrupt our life's purpose. By healing wounded parts and soothing protective ones, we aim for non-judgmental self-compassion and awareness. This shift leads to clarity and connects us with others, grounding us in wisdom and inner guidance. Healing is not a direct path to happiness, so seek reconnection and guidance when needed. IFS helps us build deeper relationships with everything around us, including ourselves, knowing that Self heals naturally.